I’m bringing integrity back, and it is sexy!
We’re all familiar with the word integrity. It is after all one of the Eight Core Proficiencies our school stands for. However, despite this fact I would argue that very few of us truly understand the concept of integrity, much less practice it in our everyday lives. I know I didn’t, until I learned not only how easy it is to lose our integrity, but also the freedom that comes in restoring integrity.
During fifth week last quarter I discovered that a lecture for one of my classes had never made it onto my schedule. It was four weeks into the quarter, and I’d skipped a two-hour lecture in a four-hour class every single week without noticing. Once I’d recovered from my initial shock that I could have possibly done something that stupid, I started searching desperately for a way to not have to drop the class. What I devised was a half-hearted plan to restore my integrity. A plan that quite frankly, completely lacked integrity for me.
I admitted to my professor what had happened, but neglected to mention I had also already missed one lab and needed to miss class again later in the quarter for a seminar—a seminar that, ironically, held integrity at its foundation. My professor agreed to let me take the midterm and go from there.
A few days later, I aced the midterm and breathed a huge sigh of relief – relief that remained only as long as that breath lasted. For the next week I didn’t sleep well, I felt a weight being carried on my shoulders and I couldn’t focus on anything. Even if you’re a little unclear on what the definition of integrity means, we can all relate to feeling a complete lack of power and freedom that comes when something you have done or are a part of is bothering you. What I’ve since discovered is that it bothers us because somewhere our integrity is out.
I went to my seminar and got the integrity knocked back into me. That Monday I came back to school and promptly dropped the class. With an A average, I forfeited the full $1,049 in tuition and walked away feeling relieved, happy and free for the first time since I realized my blunder. Most of my friends thought I was crazy. I could have easily created some elaborate story, continued to be dishonest and done whatever it took to stay in the class. In the end however, I would have spent the whole quarter feeling guilty and powerless because of what I had done.
What I discovered through this experience was that somewhere in the process of my screw up I lost sight of what my true values are and felt out of sorts and incomplete because my actions didn’t correlate with what I stand for. If you look up the definition of “integrity” you’ll find it means “to be whole and complete, to have consistency in your values and actions.” Honesty is something I value, and my original actions had a complete lack of honesty.
My purpose in sharing my story isn’t to gloat, or attempt to come across like an amazing saint who found her integrity and can do no wrong. I’m only human. The only thing I’ve discovered is the ability to admit where and when I’m out of integrity with myself, and the courage to do what I need to do to restore it. What constitutes integrity is entirely unique to each of us. Something that is out of integrity for me may be completely in integrity for someone else, because each of us has our own set of values.
Do you lack feeling whole and complete? What happened that left you feeling powerless? My challenge for each of you is to examine your life for where you feel incomplete, and to have the courage to do what you need to do to restore your integrity. Many of us at this school have a dream of making a difference in the world. The power to change the world begins with the power to change yourself. Are you ready to find that power?
